Day in the life
by Luciferus
Summary: Pointless drabble. Expect slight yaoi, Relenabashing, depressed!Wufei and complete silliness.


I don't own Gundam Wing. Wish I did, but I don't. But that's not going to stop me messing around with it! ()v

And yay for this (I hope) humourous drabble...written at 4am before an exam.

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_A day in the life..._

0500 : Snores all through the Winner residence on one of the colonies.

0515 : Duo's alarm-clock goes off, him having forgotten that there was no mission, but completely fails to wake him. Snores resume after a very angry and half-asleep Wufei opens the door and kills the clock.

0545 : Duo's back-up alarm-clock goes off and completely fails to wake him as well. This time, a rather dishevelled Quatre opens the door and shoots the other clock with his slipper, sending it out of the window and into the street below.

0600 : Heero wakes up and finds Duo climbing into his bed. He tries to threaten and use the Heero Yuy Patented Death Glare, but it has no effect whatsoever...

0712 : Heero and Duo are both awake and making out like there's no tomorrow. Wufei, being the closest to Heero's room, is bashing his head against the wall, hoping to knock himself out or commit suicide, whichever comes first.

0734 : Wufei is in the kitchen with a very hot cup of tea, when a half-asleep Trowa walks in, says something about Quatre's feet being cold, eats a banana and walks out. Wufei puts the kettle on again.

0754 : Wufei starts to walk back towards his room but turns around and sits in the kitchen with another cup of tea. Heero and Duo are still at it, and Wufei briefly wonders at their stamina before hitting himself with his cup at such an unWufei-like thought.

0805 : Heero and Duo are finally asleep and Wufei returns to his room, but stays awake looking at the ceiling...

0814 : Quatre wakes up and goes to the kitchen, and wonders at the way the tea's disappeared in the night. Wufei arrives and goes bright red at the sight of the love-bite on Quatre's neck. Quatre goes and gets dressed, still with his cup of tea, and Wufei contemplates suicide in front of the teapot.

0845 : Wufei finishes his third teapot of the morning when Heero walks in, with a yawning Duo behind him. Duo attempts to make coffee, spills half the pot on his legs, yelps and runs out. Heero gets the instant coffee and drinks in silence, before a fully-dressed Duo walks back in and has eggs, bacon, fried potatoes, mikshake and five pieces of toast. Wufei goes green and walks out.

0910 : Trowa and Quatre walk in and attempt to make breakfast amid the usual chaos. Quatre goes white at the state of the fridge after hurricane Maxwell, and Heero promises they'll go shopping after breakfast. Wufei comes back in and slips on a tea-bag.

0938 : A phone-call for Heero comes in, but it being only Relena, he ignores it.

0947 : Relena calls again, and Heero drops the phone in a nearby vase.

1003 : The G-boys are ready to go shopping and pile into the truck that escaped being blown up during their last mission. Wufei silently prays for strength.

1038 : They arrive at the shopping centre. Duo runs for the ice-cream, but Heero grabs the infamous braid and drags him inside, ignoring the whimpers of pain. Quatre is already making a list of everything they need to buy, and Trowa is pushing the trolley, a look of horror on his usually-unreadable face at the size of the list.

1039 : Wufei is chasing Duo all around the store.

1056 : Heero and Duo have disappeared into the toilets, Quatre is arguing with Wufei over what brand of tea to buy, and Trowa is staring at them and secretly thinking that if everyone drank coffee, none of this would happen...

1059 : Quatre and Wufei have settled for China Rose Petal tea.

1100 : Heero and Duo return, looking slightly ruffled, and Duo decides they should buy mint ice-cream.

1106 : Ice-cream is added to the trolley, just to shut Duo up. Quatre is starting to have a headache.

1118 : An unfortunate pickpocket tries to grab Quatre's wallet, but is foiled by the blonde pilot, who starts laughing uncontrollably. Recognising a Zero relapse, Trowa grabs Quatre, saving the thief's life. The pickpcket tries to run away, but is grabbed by Heero.

1126 : The thief is left in the toilets after a short talk with the Perfect Soldier and the God of Death. Quatre has calmed down and is looking for grapefruit.

1139 : They arrive at the checkout, Trowa silently wondering who has any money on them to pay for all of it...

1154 : They pay and go to the truck.

1159 : The truck is gone.

1203 : While Trowa is holding Quatre in his second Zero relapse of the day, Heero has gone to steal a suitable car.

1207 : The G-boys head for the Winner residence, in their brand new car; Duo is explaning what he intends to use the ice-cream for, Heero has gone bright red, Trowa and Quatre are happily kissing, and Wufei is remembering why he hates shopping with them...

1237 : They arrive at the Winner residence, only to find Relena waiting for them. Hoping that Quatre will relapse again, Heero ignores her and unloads the car. Quatre doesn't relapse, but nicely explains to her that she isn't needed. When she still tries to get to Heero, he throws a shopping-bag in her face.

11245 : Relena still hasn't regained consciousness, and the G-boys try and work out what to do.

1256 : Seeing that no-one can decide what to do, Trowa phones Catherine up and sees if she can come and pick Relena up. Luckily, the circus is on that same colony.

1301 : Catherine turns up and picks the still-unconsious Relena off the driveway ground. The G-boys go and make lunch.

1305 : Duo attempts spaghetti, but burns himself with the cooker and settles for a ham sandwich instead. The others help themselves to the spaghetti.

1334 : End of lunch. Heero goes and checks mission directives on his computer, Duo puts a movie on and takes the popcorn with him. Wufei goes and trains on a Duo-dummy, and Trowa and Quatre are left alone in the kitchen. They decide to clean up. Later.

1350 : The five are in the living-room, watching one of Duo's horror films.

1432 : End of the movie. Duo suddenly says he's bored and shoots Heero a look. Heero throws him a book.

1506 : Duo is sleeping on the couch, Trowa and Quatre have gone for a walk and Heero and Wufei are working on their Gundams.

1604 : Duo wakes up, suddenly remembering that Heero needed spare parts for his Gundam, and races to check that he hasn't taken them off Deathscythe again.

1616 : Trowa and Quatre find the house empty.

1625 : Trowa and Quatre are happily making out on the couch.

1645 : In the Gundams' hideout, Duo is relieved to find that none of Deathscythe's parts are missing, and is working on it to forget who bored he is when there's no mission. Heero is trying to connect two wires on the Wing and Wufei is grumbling because after Sandrock and HeavyArms were waxed last, there's none left for Nataku.

1656 : Wufei arrives back at the house, looking for Nataku's wax, stumbles on Trowa and Quatre on the couch, and decides to forget about the wax.

1710 : Trowa and Quatre head to the kitchen, find Wufei, looking very red, drinking his tea, and make some more. The other two come in, covered in grease-stains.

1730 : Cleaned up, all five pilots are finishing their tea when Heero's computer beeps. Doctor J informs them of their next mission, Wufei falls to his knees, gabbling in Chinese, and Duo laughs like a maniac. The others just look at them quizzically.

1734 : To celebrate this wonderful piece of news, Duo decides to hit the town, and drags Heero, Trowa and Quatre along with him. Realising he's going to be alone for a few hours, Wufei goes out and buys car wax.

1801 : The bowling turns out not to be a good idea, as Quatre destroys the whole building, thanks to a freak Zero relapse caused by lack of sugar. Trowa buys him a soda, and they run out.

1834 : Duo decides to head for the nearest club. The others follow.

1904 : They arrive at the club and, after one look, Heero, Quatre and Trowa start to walk away.

1912 : Duo manages to convince the others that a gay club isn't a hellhole of groping, points out that they're already taken, and expresses sympathy for the poor idiot who'd try and glomp any of them...

1914 : They enter, Quatre nervously clutching onto Trowa's hand. Duo is already sitting at the bar, and Heero is daring anyone to talk to him, the Heero Yuy Patented Death Glare on his face.

1917 : The first person tries to talk to Heero meets with the Heero Yuy Patented Death Glare, and walks away. Trowa and Quatre are sipping their drinks, and Duo is taking up most of the dance-floor.

1921 : Trowa and Quatre have succumbed to the music and are dancing with Duo. Heero notices that Quatre should stop dancing, as it's beginning to look obscene.

1924 : The Heero Yuy Patented Death Glare works again.

1927 : Heero is regretting ever coming here as more and more people are trying to hit on Duo.

1932 : Heero has decided to dance with Duo to stop anyone else from getting near him. Trowa and Quatre are happily kissing in a dark corner.

1956 : Instead of the Heero Yuy Patented Death Glare, Heero uses the more standard Heero Yuy Patented Knuckle Sandwich on the person trying to glomp Duo, and carries on dancing.

2004 : The four G-boys are kicked out of the club for indecency, and Heero demands that the next club not be gay, as he's tired of using the Heero Yuy Patented Death Glare.

2012 : They reach another club.

2030 : They are ejected for indecency.

2052 : They reach another club.

2104 : Fastest ejection yet. They give up and head home.

2125 : They arrive back at the Winner residence, and find Wufei drowning himself in tea and Chinese pop music.

2145 : Dinner made and eaten, they settle down and watch television.

2156 : Quatre decides to have a bath.

2205 : Trowa means to get some biscuits, but is side-tracked by the sound of water splashing.

2210 : Duo turns the television as high as he can and Wufei has his head burried under the cushions.

2245 : The pilots have all gone to bed, so as not to start their mission with their eyes glued together.

2254 : Wufei decides to go and sleep in the Gundams' hideout, hoping he'll get a good night's sleep.

0500 : Duo's alarm-clock goes off, waking everyone but him. Heero has to drag Duo out of his bed to wake him.

0502 : Doctor J informs the pilots that their mission is cancelled.

OWARI

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My first attempt at humour... Could be worse, right? Please R&R! m( )m 


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